Here we are on a paradise island, with some of the people I love most, and I have had the fog descend on me.
I have thought I could ‘just get over it’, but I have noticeably withdrawn. There is no rhyme or reason per se, but the kids noticed it.
After our beach trip this morning we returned back to our apartment for lunch, and I find myself crying. After a little while I get up to go for a walk to try and shake this off, and Georgina insists on coming with me.
It’s very hot and we shared how we felt: I have to learn to talk more about how i’m feeling, I have to remember people are not mind readers. I have written before about the ‘fog’, I can see it, others can’t, but they see the different, withdrawn person, who doesn’t engage.
I think I’m hiding it well, obviously I’m not.
We all went for a walk to the beach at low tide, and a couple of more conversations were had. I have been blown away with their kindness, concern and very proud of them all.
Walking through the sea lapping around our ankles, seeing fish , crabs, sea snails, with the level rising up to our waists, I almost trod on a Ray! A little further out and a with a helping hand the level dropped away again.
I suppose in some ways this is an analogy of how I can feel on occasion.
The walk was spontaneous, and all the more enjoyable for that. It also brought back memories of Maldon, Cornwall and Lunan Bay.
These moments are precious and I need to be less anxious, and not over think too much and just enjoy the present.
We all visited a local pool, to relax and drank overpriced strawberry daiquiris!
We prepared dinner at the apartment, where Lis shared with us her vegetarian journey and it has spurred me on to have at least on meat free day a week.
We watched the bats 🦇 fly over to their evening stomping grounds.
peace with myself and I hope that I will be able to articulate more quickly how I feel when the fog descends.
Time flies and you find that your children have grown into sensitive, caring adults. How lucky are we. We have a few days left together until next year, so I have to make the most of that!